I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
