You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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