Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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