Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
