I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
