PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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