this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
