Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
