Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
