All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
