while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
