And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
