You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
