YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
