Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There are leaves in my underwear?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
