i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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