I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
