Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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