you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
