We won't sleep together?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
