a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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