Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
