dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
