Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My balls are so social today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
