guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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