Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
