so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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