I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
