I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
