No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
