I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
