There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
