you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
