Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
