Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
