I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
