Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
