dude i'm inner monologue high
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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