chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
