I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
