it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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