and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
