Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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