tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
