i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My feet surprised me
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