you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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