I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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