there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
