I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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