omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
